Dallas Fisher

I’ve honestly never thought about who my celebrity sex pass would be, so why not spend a moment working through it with myself here. There are so many options to choose from. Scarlett Johannson, Margot Robbie, Jake Gyllenhaal, or hell, even Zoey Deutch if I’m sticking in the acting world. The more time I spend with Zoey, the more realistic the opportunity feels. But if I’m being super honest, I’ve got to go with someone like Amy Adams or Jessica Chastain. I don’t have an attraction to red heads in real life but unobtainable Hollywood actresses that are at the top of their games really do something for me. They’re both very attractive and seem like a good hang. I think I’ll make my final answer Amy Adams on this one because she seems the most mysterious and typing this paragraph out makes me realize that I’m into that. That overall feels like the mature choice but let’s get to my thoughts on the movie.

Outside of the lovely Ms. Deutch, Gail Daughtry and the Celebrity Sex Pass is ROUGH. For a movie that advertised itself as a comedy, I sure was struggling to muster up the slightest laugh from my diaphragm. Is that where laughs come from? Or is it a combination of the throat and brain? Obviously the brain triggers it but it has to come from somewhere else. Either way, not funny. And like I said before, Zoey Deutch is hilarious! Her comedy unfortunately misses the mark here and I think it’s everyone around her’s fault. I overall enjoyed her joyful and dumb performance but I actually think the awful back lot lighting that made her feel like she was on the set of The Good Place didn’t do her any justice. It’s all so distracting and bland. I take some of this back. The Schildner’s List bit is fantastic. I did laugh at that.

That’s where my enjoyment started and ended though. Those few seconds. I love when a comedy goes way darker than it should, but it should have stuck with that. Instead this tries to take itself too seriously with the integration of the thriller crime B plot. I’m shocked this wasn’t a direct to streaming movie as its unseriousness in the violence department felt right out of a steamer’s playbook. Oh and yes, movies can take themselves too seriously while not being serious at all. This movie is a prime example of that.

Gail Daughtry had a very strange way of handling celebrities and it honestly gave me the ick. I met Steve Zahn a few weeks ago and if I treated him the way that any of these people treat celebrities, he probably would have kicked me in the groin for the respect of himself and everyone else of his status. I was so annoyed with every single move people make here. It tries so hard to make it seem like we’re treating celebrities in a wrong way but I feel the writing was too self important. It was all so cringe. If the journey of getting her to her dream celebrity was aligned with reality more, I would have been way more into this.

No spoilers because he’s on the poster, but I do love that Jon Hamm played himself in this movie. That was fun, even though I think he deserves better than this. We all do. This is the first time I feel like a movie was possibly written by AI. I was never having fun, it never felt original, and it looks truly awful. This movie would serve really well as a one off episode on a Nick at Nite program. As a movie, it’s a relative dud from the jump.

4/10